Oh my god, the language coming out of Alex lately is amazing! I left the kitchen and came back to see him sitting in a different seat. Without prompting he said "I'm sitting over here because the other seat is wet." I went over and felt the chair and said "It's not wet, Alex." He said "No, the table next to the seat is wet." Yes, there was water on the table. Wow. Just WOW.

Not My New Year's Resolutions

I'm not a New Year's resolution person. I believe I should be trying to do better every single day at every single thing that's important to me. I am, however, looking back over the last year at the changes I've made and the growth I've achieved. I'm thinking about the new year and what I would like to accomplish in the coming months. One thing that came to mind (aside from the obvious health and personal growth goals) was how I don't reach out to others as much as I'd like to. Back in the days of letter writing, and even email writing (pre-Facebook), I always felt it was important to let people know I was thinking of them. Everybody is struggling with something, and those little thoughts that only take a moment to express can make a big difference in people's lives. I know they do for me, and I've seen them help others, too.

This year I resolve to remember to let others know I'm thinking of them, that if they need anything I'm here for them, and that they are loved. Human connection is vital, and as much as we can "socialize" on Facebook, it doesn't have the same effect as that little bit of effort it takes to reach out to a person one-on-one and let them know you care.

Hope for Healing

I've been working with a holistic health coach for the last month and a half. I just started working with a craniosacral therapist who does integrative bodywork. I am getting AMAZING results working with these two people. I have cut a lot of inflammatory foods out of my diet, added in a lot of healing foods, am engaging in some new self-care practices, and am finally starting to add exercise back in. The CST and bodywork are transformative. I am completely convinced that my disease (rheumatoid arthritis) is directly related to the trauma and stress I have experienced over my lifetime, and that as I work through these things I will heal myself. For the first time in a long while, I am feeling positive about my future.

It's a lay-on-the-couch-under-blankets-and-self-reproach-and-watch-TV-all-day kind of day. There's just no rhyme or reason for why a person can feel okay one day and like they have the flu the next with this disease. Another day of scarce work lost. I hate cancelling on people. To the world it must look like I'm unreliable or that I just don't care, but in reality it's a blow to my self-esteem every time I have to make the decision to let someone down.

Listening to my MMW seeded Pandora station and cooking some good eats. On the menu: oven fried chicken, broccoli carrot slaw with sesame soy ginger vinaigrette and toasted sesame seeds, sauteed mixed greens with garlic, and oven fried potatoes. So thankful I feel well enough to cook again.

This January I participated in a 10 day cleanse focused on clean eating and other self nurturing practices (e.g. exercise, body brushing, meditation). As I continue to follow much of what I was doing on the cleanse my energy and mental clarity have been slowly improving, and I have been a lot less irritable. The cleanse was exactly what I needed to get me out of the long period of stagnancy I've been in since well before my diagnosis. I feel as though I'm finally starting to live again, instead of just surviving. The fatigue and pain are still here, but my mind and spirit are feeling better, and I believe in time that my body will, too. I'm so very thankful for the nutritional coach and friend who led the cleanse, and for the fabulous group of people who participated. My heart is full of gratitude.

Spencer asked "Mommy, will you draw up my covers?" (e.g. tuck him in). After I did so he said "Will you rub my back and all those pleasant things?" I love the effect all of his reading has on his vocabulary.