Springtime with Two Three-Year-Old Boys

Means more dirt in the house, more cleaning, more laundry, more baths. It means temper tantrums every time the words "time to go inside" come out of my mouth. It means bubbles, and sand, and swinging, and finding out that my boys love the outdoors as much as I do. It means they sleep like rocks at night after playing outside for hours during the day. I love spring!

I Have ADD

Attention Divided Disorder - Don't all parents have this?

Being Broke and Loving It

I'm always so worried about money, thinking "I should go back to work now. I should look for a job. But is it worth it to have to pay for child care? How will I make it without the boys' disability benefits? " Worry, worry, worry. Yesterday, after running errands all day, Spencer and I got Alex off the bus and went to the park. Playing with my boys outside in the fresh air, watching them climb and run, hearing their laughter, I thought "Being able to do this is worth being broke." I'm going to hang on for as long as I can and enjoy every minute of it!

Alex's Communication

Last night my sister walked outside with Alex in her arms and he said "I see the car," with absolutely no prompting. Today I handed him a book, "Peekaboo Zoo," and upon seeing the animals on the front cover he said "Zebra!".

Alex and Spencer Update

Alex started school on February 11th. He loves it! He gets so excited when we pull into the parking lot in the morning and wants to run down the hallway to his classroom when we get inside. His class has eleven children. Five of them are universal pre-K students, the other six are special needs students. There's only one other child who is under the age of four. In addition to the teacher there are four full-time aides and one "lunch aide" (who is actually there for four hours). I'm very pleased the with adult-to-student ratio. In the afternoon it gets even better, because some of the children are only there for half the day. Alex gets plenty of one-on-one time. He sees his physical and occupational therapists twice a week. Right now the center is short on speech pathologists, so he doesn't have individual speech therapy sessions, but it's a language intensive program and I'm not worried.

In the few weeks that Alex has been there I have noticed that he pays a lot more attention to people coming and going, saying "hi" and "goodbye" more readily than in the past. He is also eating much better with a utensil. He is pointing to and labeling pictures in books. I've discovered that he thinks of himself as "Ally," not Alex; it's how he always refers to himself. Alex comes home in the evening very tired and usually doesn't want to interact directly with Spencer and me much, but he is still full of hugs and kisses for both of us. He shows that he misses us in his own, loving way.

Spencer is busy learning all kinds of new and fun things. His newest passion is puzzles. He is working on 12 piece jigsaw puzzles and actually doing quite well. He will focus on a puzzle for nearly half an hour without getting distracted or frustrated. I'm really amazed. Spencer continues to lag behind in his speech and language and is now receiving speech therapy twice a week. He continues to receive physical therapy once a week. He still runs like a much younger child and doesn't jump with two feet in the air (a 24 month skill). In all other respects he is pretty much caught up to his peers. At his appointment with the developmental pediatrician two weeks ago the doctor was amazed at the progress Spencer has made since his last visit six months ago. He no longer has to visit her unless a concern comes up.

Spencer gets to go to a preschool setting three times a week for four hours. I help out my sister with childcare and in return he gets to be with his peers in a creative learning environment. It is good for him; even his speech therapist has commented on how it's helped his language. He and Alex are about the same size now. Spencer has had a voracious appetite ever since he recovered from his Christmas stomach virus. Judging by the size of his belly I expect a good growth spurt this spring.

Just 29 days until Alex and Spencer's third birthday. My how the time has flown! They're not babies anymore, they're not even toddlers. My boys are pre-schoolers!

A New Chapter In the Life of a Mom

Alex is going to school. Five days a week, five and a half hours a day. My baby. After 30 months of doing it all myself, every therapy session, every single day, I am placing the care of my precious little Ally Bear in strangers' hands. At first when I knew this was soon going to be a reality I panicked. It's been just me for so long. The idea of letting someone else take the reins, be in control of his services, take care of him for so many hours every week, scared me. "What if they don't understand him the way I do?" I thought. "What if he gets worse because he can't communicate with them?" And then the fact that I would be with Spencer all day every day, and not Alex, hit me like a punch to the gut. That's going to feel so strange, like I'm constantly forgetting something; and a bit unfair, spending so much time with Spencer and so little with Alex. And what will it be like for the two of them; will they feel like a part of them has been left behind somewhere?

After a little time I've begun to come to terms with loosening the proverbial apron strings and letting Alex begin this new adventure without me. He will spend his days being cared for by people who are trained to help children like him. I will have a break from constantly trying to communicate with a child who is, while very sweet and loving, at times very frustrating to deal with. I will be able to turn my attention more fully to Spencer, who wants to learn and do so many things that I just haven't had the time and energy to share with him.

Most importantly, Alex will essentially be getting services all day, every day. There will be an adjustment period, but soon the effects of being in an integrated, special-education classroom will begin to show. I have no doubt that Alex will blossom as a result. He has always given us all such great hope as he progresses, sometimes by leaps and bounds, and I know that with the increased intensity at which he'll be receiving services his development will accelerate. Alex will soon be surprising us even more than he has in the past.

It is very important to me that Alex's current providers know how precious they are to us and how thankful I am for everything they have done to facilitate his development and my education as a parent. We will continue to see Terry and Lisa, as they will provide services for Spencer until he starts preschool next fall. I want Kathy to know how much we loved having her as Ally's occupational therapist, that the swinging song will always be part of our repetoire, and that we won't forget all the other wonderful things she shared with us. We will miss Christina more than anyone. She is, by far, Alex's favorite person (other than Mommy, of course). He responds to her best of all and has a wonderful bond with her. We're always happy to see her step through our front door and have enjoyed her energy and positive spirit so much. Each of these women have been a precious gift in our lives. The memories of our times with them, the knowledge they have shared with me, and the gratitude for how they have helped Alex and Spencer flourish will always be with us.

I truly do feel as though this is a new chapter in my life as a parent. We've come so far, from those days in the NICU when my babies' lives were hanging in the balance, to being two months shy of the third birthday of two healthy and very active toddlers. I have been flying solo for 34 months. Letting go, seeing one son go off to school and knowing that the other will follow before too long, working part-time with my sister, beginning to think about going back to work full-time, and welcoming an unexpected and wonderful new partner into my life...so much is changing. It is both scary and exhilarating as I look forward to the exciting things life has in store for my family and myself as we begin this new leg of the journey.

Kids Who Are Different

copyright 1982 by Digby Wolfe,
All Rights Reserved

Here's to the kids who are different,
The kids who don't always get A's,
The kids who have ears twice the size of their peers,
And noses that go on for days...

Here's to the kids who are different,
The kids they call crazy or dumb,
The kids who don't fit, with the guts and the grit,
Who dance to a different drum...

Here's to the kids who are different,
The kids with the mischievous streak,
For when they have grown, as history's shown,
It's their difference that makes them unique.

For Jenn