Alex is going to school. Five days a week, five and a half hours a day. My baby. After 30 months of doing it all myself, every therapy session, every single day, I am placing the care of my precious little Ally Bear in strangers' hands. At first when I knew this was soon going to be a reality I panicked. It's been just me for so long. The idea of letting someone else take the reins, be in control of his services, take care of him for so many hours every week, scared me. "What if they don't understand him the way I do?" I thought. "What if he gets worse because he can't communicate with them?" And then the fact that I would be with Spencer all day every day, and not Alex, hit me like a punch to the gut. That's going to feel so strange, like I'm constantly forgetting something; and a bit unfair, spending so much time with Spencer and so little with Alex. And what will it be like for the two of them; will they feel like a part of them has been left behind somewhere?
After a little time I've begun to come to terms with loosening the proverbial apron strings and letting Alex begin this new adventure without me. He will spend his days being cared for by people who are trained to help children like him. I will have a break from constantly trying to communicate with a child who is, while very sweet and loving, at times very frustrating to deal with. I will be able to turn my attention more fully to Spencer, who wants to learn and do so many things that I just haven't had the time and energy to share with him.
Most importantly, Alex will essentially be getting services all day, every day. There will be an adjustment period, but soon the effects of being in an integrated, special-education classroom will begin to show. I have no doubt that Alex will blossom as a result. He has always given us all such great hope as he progresses, sometimes by leaps and bounds, and I know that with the increased intensity at which he'll be receiving services his development will accelerate. Alex will soon be surprising us even more than he has in the past.
It is very important to me that Alex's current providers know how precious they are to us and how thankful I am for everything they have done to facilitate his development and my education as a parent. We will continue to see Terry and Lisa, as they will provide services for Spencer until he starts preschool next fall. I want Kathy to know how much we loved having her as Ally's occupational therapist, that the swinging song will always be part of our repetoire, and that we won't forget all the other wonderful things she shared with us. We will miss Christina more than anyone. She is, by far, Alex's favorite person (other than Mommy, of course). He responds to her best of all and has a wonderful bond with her. We're always happy to see her step through our front door and have enjoyed her energy and positive spirit so much. Each of these women have been a precious gift in our lives. The memories of our times with them, the knowledge they have shared with me, and the gratitude for how they have helped Alex and Spencer flourish will always be with us.
I truly do feel as though this is a new chapter in my life as a parent. We've come so far, from those days in the NICU when my babies' lives were hanging in the balance, to being two months shy of the third birthday of two healthy and very active toddlers. I have been flying solo for 34 months. Letting go, seeing one son go off to school and knowing that the other will follow before too long, working part-time with my sister, beginning to think about going back to work full-time, and welcoming an unexpected and wonderful new partner into my life...so much is changing. It is both scary and exhilarating as I look forward to the exciting things life has in store for my family and myself as we begin this new leg of the journey.
2 comments:
You can watch a lot of TIVO in 5 hours!! LOL!! Great for you, for Alex and Spencer. It sounds like everyone is going to win in this. Having that little break in the day will be so great for you too. I think you will be surprised at the increase in your patience and ability to "mother" your little Ally Bear.
Its been a great day for twin mommies!!
I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. Preschool is going to really test me - I can see that already. I cannot imagine having someone else care for my kids other than my mother in law, and yet - I know they need to venture out, to learn from others, to socialize. Man, it is hard to give part of your body away like that.
I will be thinking about you and Alex and Spencer. It will all be ok.
Post a Comment