Falling

Fall is a hard time for me. Some falls are worse than others. This is one of those falls. It usually starts in August and stretches until after Thanksgiving (when I will finally allow myself to listen to Christmas music, which begins to make me feel better). I'm irritable, I'm moody, I'm impulsive, I'm weepy. I've walked out on a really good, long-term job, ended a marriage, and made other huge, life-changing, impulsive decisions in the fall.

Fall used to be my favorite season. I looked forward to it with anticipation. I used to hate summer! Now I don't want summer to end. Please, give me the hot weather, the pool, the sunshine, the ocean, the fire pit, the s'mores, the fresh peaches. I don't mind sweating anymore (that's what the water is for, am I right?!!).

So, here's the thing I was just thinking as I watched the "First Day of Fall 2015" Google doodle: I need to make a list of all the things I love about fall and try to focus on enjoying those. Maybe that will help me over this emotional hump, nay, mountain, that is my Autumnal Mood Disorder (yeah, I just made that up. It's not in the DSM??). So here goes:

Squash and gourds - I love the colors, especially the variegated ones in all the odd shapes, and the ones that you shake and can hear the dry seeds rattling around inside.

Changing leaves - Although it's really hard to see all the green go (green is great for serotonin levels, you know), the vibrant reds and oranges are really beautiful, especially in the sunshine. I can remember my dad taking us on drives in the fall just to enjoy the beauty of the change (note to self: take kids on long drive . . . um, maybe).

Sweatshirts and sweaters - Cozy and comfy; what more do I need to say?

Chilly air - Believe it or not, summer lover that I've become, I do love the crisp fall air. One, because I can wear all those cozy sweatshirts and sweaters. Also because I love sleeping with the windows open and the blankets piled high. I do not sleep well in the summer unless the air conditioning is blasting, which I have tree-hugging girl guilt about. So, sleep without guilt is a bonus.

Long walks - These have become more short walks in recent years with my illness, but I still love them, especially with my boys. The leaves and the air and the ground beneath my feet: it's free therapy brought to me by Mother Nature.

Food - Now is the time of year when all the best of the locally grown come together. We can still get fresh tomatoes, cucumbers, and summer squash. Apple picking season has begun, and my favorite winter squashes are now ripe on the vine. It's time for big pots of chili and soup, cool enough for roasting root vegetables and squash, but still warm enough to grill.

Okay. I've now added to my arsenal of defense against the dark fall tools. I hope those of you who struggle with the change in seasons are finding ways to cope. All you pumpkin spice everything lovers out there, please remember that it's a hard time of year for many people. Your understanding and patience is mucho appreciated. Fall lovers and fall dreaders alike, feel free to share your favorite things about fall in the comments below (as long as it's not a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte - I'll edit that crap out!).

Take care, stay positive, be well! xoxo

Mike and I were talking about our favorite veggie dip. Spencer heard us and said "Dill dip. Dill dip. Dildo dip!" Oh my god I laughed! "Where'd you hear that word, Spencer? Do you know what it means?" "I don't know. I think it's a Pokémon." "Well, it has another meaning. If you want to know I can explain it." "No, I'm pretty sure it's a Pokémon. And it's like the lamest Pokémon ever."

Oh my god, the language coming out of Alex lately is amazing! I left the kitchen and came back to see him sitting in a different seat. Without prompting he said "I'm sitting over here because the other seat is wet." I went over and felt the chair and said "It's not wet, Alex." He said "No, the table next to the seat is wet." Yes, there was water on the table. Wow. Just WOW.

Not My New Year's Resolutions

I'm not a New Year's resolution person. I believe I should be trying to do better every single day at every single thing that's important to me. I am, however, looking back over the last year at the changes I've made and the growth I've achieved. I'm thinking about the new year and what I would like to accomplish in the coming months. One thing that came to mind (aside from the obvious health and personal growth goals) was how I don't reach out to others as much as I'd like to. Back in the days of letter writing, and even email writing (pre-Facebook), I always felt it was important to let people know I was thinking of them. Everybody is struggling with something, and those little thoughts that only take a moment to express can make a big difference in people's lives. I know they do for me, and I've seen them help others, too.

This year I resolve to remember to let others know I'm thinking of them, that if they need anything I'm here for them, and that they are loved. Human connection is vital, and as much as we can "socialize" on Facebook, it doesn't have the same effect as that little bit of effort it takes to reach out to a person one-on-one and let them know you care.